btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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