just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
