he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
