there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
