I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
