yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
