I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize