He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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