you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I want her autograph on my taint
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize