I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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