hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
