it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
