Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
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