the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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