jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
