Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
