I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
