Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
its not stalking. its research.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
