Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
