yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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