Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
