found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I need to sanitize my soul.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
