She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
