I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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