People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I don't want my vagina anymore.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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