I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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