Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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