and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize