its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
