:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
