I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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