wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
