highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize