drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
