Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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