I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
