i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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