at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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