I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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