my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
