oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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