Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
