i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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