I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
