I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize