I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
