I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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