what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
