Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
