May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
