Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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