is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
