Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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