dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
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