she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
pray to the hookup gods
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
