He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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