I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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