Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
