fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
