his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
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