her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
