Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
