i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
