Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
