You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Is Oprah even human
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
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