her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
