1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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