Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
