I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
