so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
