kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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