she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
