It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
