That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize