I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
