I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
