3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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