1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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