VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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