In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Ladies don't puke and tell
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
