WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
