I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
either way he was missing a nipple.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
