I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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