Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
