So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
