i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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