now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
