First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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