One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
