Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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