Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
