The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
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