I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
