if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I want you more than these girls want KFC
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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