She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
